nbcemployee: the uglier the snapchat, the closer the friendship
peanutbutta: It either takes me 5 months to read a book or I read five of them in 2 days. There is no inbetween.
officialdogblog: procrastinators are able to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in the 30 minutes before it’s due
meganhart: yourbones: somegirlnamedkaitlyn: My dog understands the word “No,” so how are you going to tell me teenage boys don’t know the difference between rape and consent? Nailed it. Perfect
niallhortonhearsawho: a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt
Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.– Mark Twain (via wanduring)
What girls say: I'm fine
What girls mean: I'm too embarrassed to ask for water from your mom because this is the first time I've been over and she's asked me like 500 times if I wanted any and I've been saying no but I'm dying of thirst
too-stoned-to-remember: Why do dogs go mental when they see another dog I imagine that in their heads they’re like THAT IS DOG I AM DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG
When your friend gets insulted and the best you...
lolsofunny: laugh-addict: (lol here!)
my mom's logic: if i don't remember it, it didn't happen
Mother: Oh, you know you can tell me anything! I won't tell anyone.
Me: Okay so... *tells her everything*
Mother: *tells Dad*
Mother: *tells grandparents*
Mother: *tells aunts and uncles*
Mother: *tells her friends*
Mother: *tells work mates*
Mother: *tells the next door neighbor*
Mother: *tells Obama*
Mother: *tells aliens*
Me: Cheers, Mum.
clumsyoctopus: flower language has always been an intense source of disappointment for me like, they all mean really generic things like “love” or “forever” or “i’m sorry” i thought you could combine flowers like you could just send someone a bouquet and from the combination of hibiscus and posies and tulips they’d understand “the rebel leader is dead, rendezvous at the docks at 8, bring the...
damngruchy: hailthelordylordypicca: i wish someone loved me the way Jay Gatsby loves Daisy NO YOU DON’T STAHP
Parents: Don't forget to make us proud
Friends: Don't forget to socialize
Teachers: Don't forget to get A's
Strangers: Don't forget to blend in
Opposite sex: Don't forget to look good
Society: Don't forget to be perfect
Tumblr: Fuck the world, at least you haven't murdered somebody today
Tumblr: But just in case you want to get away with it, here are some tips.