May 2013
nbcemployee:
the uglier the snapchat, the closer the friendship
peanutbutta:
It either takes me 5 months to read a book or I read five of them in 2 days. There is no inbetween.
officialdogblog:
procrastinators are able to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in the 30 minutes before it’s due
meganhart:
yourbones:
somegirlnamedkaitlyn:
My dog understands the word “No,” so how are you going to tell me teenage boys don’t know the difference between rape and consent?
Nailed it.
Perfect
niallhortonhearsawho:
a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt
“Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.”
– Mark Twain (via wanduring)
What girls say: I'm fine
What girls mean: I'm too embarrassed to ask for water from your mom because this is the first time I've been over and she's asked me like 500 times if I wanted any and I've been saying no but I'm dying of thirst
too-stoned-to-remember:
Why do dogs go mental when they see another dog
I imagine that in their heads they’re like
THAT IS DOG
I AM DOG
DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG
When your friend gets insulted and the best you...
lolsofunny:
laugh-addict:
(lol here!)
my mom's logic: if i don't remember it, it didn't happen
Mother: Oh, you know you can tell me anything! I won't tell anyone.
Me: Okay so... *tells her everything*
Mother: *tells Dad*
Mother: *tells grandparents*
Mother: *tells aunts and uncles*
Mother: *tells her friends*
Mother: *tells work mates*
Mother: *tells the next door neighbor*
Mother: *tells Obama*
Mother: *tells aliens*
Me: Cheers, Mum.
clumsyoctopus:
flower language has always been an intense source of disappointment for me
like, they all mean really generic things like “love” or “forever” or “i’m sorry”
i thought you could combine flowers
like you could just send someone a bouquet and from the combination of hibiscus and posies and tulips they’d understand “the rebel leader is dead, rendezvous at the docks at 8, bring the...
damngruchy:
hailthelordylordypicca:
i wish someone loved me the way Jay Gatsby loves Daisy
NO YOU DON’T
STAHP
Parents: Don't forget to make us proud
Friends: Don't forget to socialize
Teachers: Don't forget to get A's
Strangers: Don't forget to blend in
Opposite sex: Don't forget to look good
Society: Don't forget to be perfect
Tumblr: Fuck the world, at least you haven't murdered somebody today
Tumblr: But just in case you want to get away with it, here are some tips.
